Something really sucks for you right now, doesn't it?
Is it your health? Your job? Your finances? Your relationship?
All of it?
Well, you're in good company. We've all been there. As a matter of fact, a whole lot of us are there right now. Uh, pretty much everyone is experiencing something they'd rather not. I know, I know—but YOUR situation is the worst, right? Well, here's something that maybe you didn't know—you really CAN control how much this sucky thing drags you down. And the sooner you realize that, the sooner you'll be feeling good, despite this sucky thing. Because you know what? There's pretty much always something less than desirable happening somewhere in your life and work, and practicing better management of your disappointment will keep you more up than down.
If you're a pessimist, you're probably scowling. But hey, I'm a recovering pessimist, so maybe it's worth a listen.
Here are my top 10 rules for living well, when life sucks:
Rule #1: Remember it's not permanent. This, just like every other trial you've been through in your life, will probably not last forever. Even if it is a permanent change, chances are that it feels worse right now than it will once you've adapted to the situation. In the midst of a crisis, you're functioning at peak sucky intensity, but it never stays that way.
Rule #2: Don't punish yourself. Here's the thing, if you wallow in how crappy things are, you're cheating yourself of the little things that could be making you feel a little better. If you find yourself getting depressed, do something about it. Non-clinical depression can often be alleviated by increasing your energy through achievable means, such as doing something you love or talking to a friend. Stop depriving yourself because you feel sorry for yourself.
Rule #3: Don't isolate. If you're feeling low, the worst thing you can do is hide out. You don't need to unload your problems to everyone if you don't want to, but hanging out by yourself and wallowing in doom and gloom will only make you feel worse. Isolation breeds fear. The last thing you need in a bad situation is to feel more afraid.
Rule #4: Don't compare yourself to everyone else. When you compare your misfortune to what you believe is everyone else's perfect life, you're fooling yourself. No one is living a fantasy life. Everyone suffers, not just you. Just because you can't see what's going on in someone else's life does not mean that have not felt or will feel as badly as you do when you're in an unhappy place.
Rule #5: Change your mind. It's your choice to focus on the bad stuff. There's always a sliver of light in every situation. Mine for the diamonds by asking yourself, "What can I learn from this experience?", "What mistakes can I acknowledge?", "What would I do differently next time to improve my experience?", "What successes can I acknowledge myself for, no matter how insignificant they seem?"
Rule #6: Help someone else. The cliché rings true—you always feel better about yourself when you help someone else. By focusing on someone else's needs besides your own you can feel gratitude for what you do have and find perspective in that everyone suffers, not just you.
Rule #7: Let someone else help you. You don't need to play the martyr. It's OK to ask for and accept help. No one will think less of you. If you reject someone else's help, you might be stealing the opportunity from them to reap the benefits as well.
Rule #8: Laugh at yourself. Don't take yourself so seriously. Life ebbs and flows as do our emotions. Let yourself laugh and find humor in the little things.
Rule #9: Practice gratitude. Learning to practice gratitude all day, every day can change your life. When you think you have nothing, there's always something you're missing. Find it in every situation, in every moment, and be grateful for it.
Rule #10: It can always be worse. If you've gotten through something terrible before, chances are pretty good you'll get through this too. And, if this is the worst thing you've been through to date, you'll have a great barometer for what you can get through later, when you need it to reflect back on for hope.
When in crisis, or just plain suckiness, we can really feel helpless. It's easy to take a tailspin into feeling sorry for ourselves and expect others to as well. I've been there and I've done it. I've also made it through countless adverse experiences. So have you. So if you know that, why let yourself get down over this one?
Life sucks sometimes. You have a choice. Live well anyway.
This is the first post in a series. Each of the 10 Rules for Living Well When Life Sucks will be explored individually in 2012.
